Yesterday I promised to share the secret of affixation. If you are not yet familiar with the vocabulary (base word, prefix, and suffix), please see here.
First, let’s think of the base word as the front of a dog. He says something by barking. In this case, he is saying the word “attain” because he wants to gain something.
Think of the back of the dog as the suffix “-able.” Now the dog has the ability to gain what he wants.
But we still need a prefix, so let’s use “un-” to liven things up. Try as he might, the dog cannot attain what he has set out to get.
And here it is all put together.
Some of you are nodding your heads because you understand quickly. The rest of you need another example.
In this case, the front of the dog is the base word “describe” because he wants to tell us what he has found.
We will use the same suffix as above in order not to introduce too many new terms and confuse the ones who sit in the back.
This makes our little dog happy.
But (yes, we will throw in another but) let’s go ahead and add the prefix “in-,” which again makes everything impossible. And voila, our mutt can no longer describe what he has found, but in this instance, he can still enjoy it.
Before I can show you how this word looks, the “e” in “describe” must be surgically removed. It requires a great deal of skill. Watch and learn.
Now friends, I hope you are sitting down because I would like to make an offer to you that I believe will revolutionize your life. Why should I keep this all to myself? Why not share it with the world? I want you to be able to make words using Dog and a Half. Yes, it’s true, if you will share your money with me, I will share my secret with you!
Think of it. While your friends are sitting around twiddling their thumbs on cellphones texting so-called sentences composed of just three or four letters, you can be making multisyllabic words with Dog and a Half! Perhaps up until now the idea of flummoxing your friends was only a dream. You wanted to do it, but you didn’t know how. Now you can!
Today for just $9.99, I will send you a template of Dog, a big piece of paper, and a fancy art eraser. AND because I’m feeling especially generous, I will include a recycled pencil. And not just any pencil, but a pre-sharpened pencil with a pink eraser. See below.
But wait, there’s more!! If you act now, for just an additional $5, I’ll include this pair of scissors.
If you use them as instructed you can double the paper and the art eraser!!! Think of it: you can DOUBLE your supplies for a mere $5!! You would be a fool not to buy the scissors, too. (NOTE: In the picture, you see that the pencil has also been doubled. Do not use your scissors. Instructions are included in your kit to show you how to double it.)
People call me crazy for making offers like this. Well, I call myself twice as crazy for offering you double the supplies for a total of just $14.99. But I promised I would be generous today, and I didn’t want to disappoint you.
Hurry! Supplies won’t last.
(Offer valid until WordPress shuts me down.)
year-struck 
un believe able ! too good to be true!
unfortunately, I find your offer to be un-accept-able, but still entertaining!
I’ll try to think of a better offer.
You seem good at affixation, so you may not need the kit.
Terrific-able.
But I get a cut of the proceeds because I am FiftyFour — AndAHalf. A Half will do.
As you can imagine, the orders are rolling in. But they are coming from my husband: make me some dinner, wash my clothes, etc. It’s not looking good for proceeds.
Damn-able.
Love It, Ready for Late Night TV Infomercials…
I need to make a video first.
Let me paws to consider your woof-eral offer. At the moment, I’m still undecided but indescribably tempted.
Supplies won’t last. I only have a few recycled pencils with pink erasers. We usually use mechanical pencils and they’re hard to double.
a grand lesson… (~_~) with the can-ine (grin)
I’m glad it was beneficial.
Dear Yearable,
I would like to take you up on your exciting offer of a dog and a half. I am not of your country therefore I will convert the asking price to my own currency – mind-bullets.
You may never have heard of mind-bullets as currency but as a ‘currency’ is any medium of exchange and as I have sent many mind-bullets in exchange for good wishes from my friends (once in exchange for a recipe but that’s a long story) I believe it is, indeed, a damn fine currency (better than the euro at the moment anyway).
I believe that $14.99 works out at about 5 mind-bullets (btw – it is a very strong currency). I have sent the requisite mind bullets, I await my dog and a half with unbridled anticipation.
Yours etc.
Shoot! You’ll have to bridle your anticipation; I cannot send Dog and a Half kits overseas, so I’m returning the bullets.
Ricochet?
You may want to duck.
For $14.99 I would expect Dog, not a mere template of him.
I cannot fit a real Dog in the manila envelope.
I worry that sustaining the life of a Half Dog might be un-ten-able, but what do I know, I’m a mere mortal and haven’t half the literacy that you do.
But most people avoid grammar as if it were radioactive, so shouldn’t we be talking not about the life of the half-dog or the dog-and-a-half, but about the half-life of each element?
Periodically I think about things like that.
Apparently you are another one that knows how to make big words, so perhaps the Dog and a Half kit is not for you. I’ll try to think of something else.
This had me completely transfixed. I’d order your kit, but I’m afraid my cats might not get along with Dog.
If you have paper cats, that may be true.
Reminds me of an old riddle, one version of which ties in with your canine and goes like this: “If a boy and a half can eat a hot dog and a half in a minute and a half, how many hot dogs can six boys eat in six minutes?”
This will keep me up all night, you know. Once I figure it out, I will email you.
Is it sixteen, or is this a trick question?
Great offer! By the way, your posts just keep getting better and better!
Thank you, JSD.
Darn! I am out of checks, my credit card is maxed, I forgot my PayPal password, and I never have cash when I need it.
That’s why I always make copies of my $20 bills. You never know when you’ll need one.
Priceless! You are a true wit.
Ummm…do you offer an AARP discount? I have my card right here…
No, but I do have something called an AARF discount.
Am I the only one that thought it looked like describable dog was sniffing in’s butt?
A good post though. I like affixating. See I just made a word.
It could certainly be viewed that way, and if he was, I think he would find it indescribable.
That was fun! 🙂
Glad you liked it.
I’m reading your posts backwards. This one and it’s accompanying comments had me ROFLMAO (see, texting is good for something) and did a very good job of clearing my stopped nose. It is now running again, sans the new shoes, and my eyes are keeping up with it. The effect of this on my lips is indescribable only because I don’t want to be too rude.
I’m reading your posts backwards (oops, not backwards, just out of order). This one and it’s accompanying comments had me ROFLMAO (see, texting is good for something) and did a very good job of clearing my stopped nose. It is now running again, sans the new shoes, and my eyes are keeping up with it. The effect of this on my lips is indescribable only because I don’t want to be too rude.
Please let me know if they make more sense when read backwards. I’ve never tried it. 🙂
Indubitably one of the best arguments for having one’s dog “fixed” (or affixed).
Another woman with big words. I need to make this offer in a different market.
You have missed your calling – infomercials. I do believe that you could sell ketchup Popsicles to Eskimos wearing white gloves.
I’ll take 2 kits – just look at all the money I will save!
My first orders! Your kits are in the mail. If they arrive in the evening, you will have a three-dog night of fun.
Can you throw in one or two extra halves for the same price? I prefer the front half, but if all you have left over are the back halves, I can work with those!
Why do I feel that it is only a matter of time till we’ll be learning two-dog words…
Thank you for the idea!
Laughing… so hard right now! And now I want a “Dog and a Half Kit” in the worst possible way.
Yearstricken, you’ve given me the Wednesday giggles. Love that. Thank you!
You’re welcome.
hello, yearstricken,
i looovve the dog and a half illustration! i was laughing so hard. you couldn’t be more graphic, huh. ^^ but wait! you could have your own show, give the good old sesame street a run for its money. btw, yours would be more upbeat and more educational… ^^
btw, do you accept overseas delivery of the kit? just affix the err, shipping cost … :):)
I’m so glad that you liked the Dog and a Half kit. I tried selling them, but I was dogged by problems.