1. If you want to join the pantheon of the blog gods, the number one thing to remember is to make your post title short so search engines will have an easy way to find you; in other words, use key words, keep it simple, and don’t make it a complete sentence!!!

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2. Try to link as many words as possible to the worldwide web. The more the merrier. Haste makes waste. It’s the magic of SEO and all the cool kids do it. Avast and away.

 

3. KIM-ize your posts, or in other words, KARDASHIAN-ize them. Keep aBREAST. If that’s too much for you, sprinkle a little SNOOKI here and there. For real class, mention PARIS and your time in the HILTON. Occasionally, mention NUDE-colored stockings if you like fashion. Search engines are all about what is important; you should be, too.

 

4. Your blog is not your writing junk drawer. You need a theme or purpose. Go to https://year-struck.com/ to see a blog that epitomizes themelessness. Avoid that. First, the reader doesn’t know what to expect; and second, themelessness is not a word. Search engines will have a hard time with words that don’t exist. Write about what others are not writing about: nun fun, earwax, dryer lint, flatulence, and eructation, to name a few. Another idea is to take two topics and create something new and fresh. The Importance of Lint to Nuns would stick in people’s minds, and no one has yet written a blog about the bowels, personifying air as a naughty schoolboy called Bad Air is Expelled. Be creative, okay.

 

5a. Slick, glossy photos like this are a must!

5b. Drawings of this caliber are rare, but you should strive to develop your skill! (Hint: stop watching so much TV!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. Do you use questions in yours posts? Why not? Don’t you know that you must engage the reader? Why do you not have a question at the end of each and every post? Is it really that hard? Do you think they only want to read what you have to say? Are you a narcissist or something?

 

7. At the very beginning of your post, make sure you let the reader know what you are going to talk about. For example, don’t wait until the very end to let them know you are going to give them the 7 secrets every blogger should know.