- Bare feet are fine for the winter, but this is the summer of the sole. Tiptoeing required in all seasons.
1. This summer look for shoes. On feet. Soles are trending now. All the glamorous women will be tiptoeing around this summer to protect their soles, so look for lots of bunions in pink and red. You may see a lot of heels and toes hanging out. Don’t be alarmed. That’s just fashion.
2. Cloth is “in” this year. You’ll see it on bodies everywhere. It is at a premium this summer, so expect to see less and less of it on more and more people who have less and less to hide on more and more of themselves.
3. Expect the unexpected but don’t act surprised. That is so gauche. Look for marks and designs on fabric and then don’t look for them because some cloth is just one color. Patterns will be repetitive this summer.
4. Colors will be everywhere. This summer’s popular colors all come in the visible spectrum. Don’t expect colors in the infrared spectrum. I haven’t seen a single designer using them.
5. Zippers’ popularity will be up and down this summer. Other pieces of cloth will have loosely sewn on snaps and clasps. If you’re looking for buttons, check the ground: this year they will also be loosely sewn on.
6. Women will be wearing hair on their heads during the warmer months. Other than eyebrows, don’t expect to see much facial hair or nose hair. If you do, try not to mention it.
7. Another trend is shiny pieces of metal. Plenty of women will encircle body parts with them; other will push them through holes in their bodies. You’ll see lots of metal, and most of it is easy to spot – check fingers, ears, necks, and arms. Don’t look for it on other parts of the body. That is so illegal.
8. Cracks are all the rage this summer. Not to be outdone by men’s posterior “he-cracks,” women will sport “she-cracks” up front. They are hard not to spot.
9. Bags remain a useful accessory, especially if personal identification cards, a phone, nail files, headache medicine, matches, fingernail polish, a wallet, coupons, Kleenex, gum, used ticket stubs, paper clips, personal care products, unmailed letters, and melted chocolate candies are important to you. If you’re not sure what to do with a bag, try draping it on your shoulder or grasping it with your fingers. All the bouncy women who can’t leave home without their silicone are bagging it up this year and carrying it in their chest cavities. Expect to see more of these types of bags this summer.
10. French dressing is especially popular this summer. Another name for it is haute (French for “hoity”) couture (French for “toity”). Women who love this kind of French dressing will be wearing le short, le tee-shirt, and le jean with le bracelet. Many are sporting fake faux pas (pronounced “fox paws”) on chains around their necks as a symbol of luck. Rabbit feet are so yesterday that only rabbits are wearing them this season.
11. For a cheeky look, women are wearing thongs. If you’re a risk-taker, you might try wearing a matching one as an eye-patch; they’re just about the right size.
12. Finally, don’t be surprised if everywhere you look, you see holes in fabric. Designers are showcasing two leg-holes this summer, and many are using the plural to describe them, much to the delight of the sophisticated but slightly irritated woman who teaches her ELL students that in English we say pants, capris and shorts, not a pant or a capri or a short. Look for more holes in the cloth women wear on their torsos. They open up a whole new range of movement for the busy woman who likes using her arms. Their ubiquity and they way they are showing up everywhere has caused at least one fashion maven to declare that armholes are the new black.
If you would like to know more about going barefoot in the snow, go here. If you think the question about zippers is open and shut, go here. If you like French dressing, go here.
year-struck 
LOL!!
Glad it made you laugh.
Laughing at this excellent piece. I feel so sorry for Anna Wintour as I expect you will soon be head-hunted to replace her.
I’ve been sitting by my phone but no calls yet.
EXACTLY the way I feel about fashion! Arm holes, check…leg holes, check… Not binding anywhere? check. And I’m done! But I’d rather be barefoot.
As long as you walk on tiptoes, you can go barefoot. All of the fashionable women do.
Love this! Oh how important cloth is (and bags, too)!
I’ve always been a fan of cloth – strategically placed.
Looks like my wardrobe is good for another summer….darn it.
Now that you mention it, I also have things to darn. Thank you.
This is all kinds of satisfying to read.
Your comment makes me all kinds of happy to read. Thank you.
“That is so illegal”. Good point. I love summer, but don’t feel comfy in barely there summer clothes. I am beginning to see the positive attributes of the muumuu.
Although I might feel comfy in barely there clothes, those around me decidedly don’t.
The summer of 1955 (I was 6 years old)
1. Look for toes. Toes wriggle at the end of feet. Toes get melted road tar on them. At the end of the summer soles are hard as horse hooves – and sort of black looking from melted road tar being ground in during the hot months.
2. Flour sacks are in. Washed and line dried the old treadle Singer whips those sturdy, trendy (some of them come in purple with flowers on them) shorts and shirts. Do not bother scratching, it does not help. Learn to accept itching with grace…
Great post… got me to remembering. One year Mom made me a swim suit – only it was not made of swim suit material so it turned translucent in the water. I did not go swimming that year. LOL
I remember the toes and the joys of running around barefoot. I missed out on the flour sacks, however. Your swimsuit story sounds like it deserves a full post. 🙂
Oh, help! I think I have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear!
A lot of women wear practically nothing so having nothing to wear could look very fashionable.
Thank you for this timely update, as I was beginning to worry that my “Writerly Outfit” may not be fashion friendly. But alas! All is right with the world of SWP. Thank you.
Susan, you are on the cutting edge of writerly fashion.
Thanks! I try hard to un coordinate my wardrobe.
I love, love, love this piece so much that yesterday, despite the fact that I was all kinds of tired (read: so tired I turned spacey and weird), I posted a link on Facebook. Number 11! NUMBER ELEVEN!
You are such a dear. Yesterday I got a number of visitors from Facebook and Twitter. Thank you.
It’s my pleasure! This one REALLY cracked folks up. They left some lovely comments on the link on FB!
I love this new “holes in fabric” trend. It makes it so much easier to walk and type.
I hope it’s a long-term trend.
But is it OK to get my armpits pierced? I’d like to hide le body hair. I’ll be waiting for your answer!!!
Holes are big this year: you’ll see them in cloth and flesh. I would say yes on the piercing.
Holes are good for necks, too, don’t forget. Gives that bold freedom to look around. What do you think of the edges on cloth? Hemmed, or are you still afrayed of that?
Neck holes go without saying, which is why I didn’t say anything about them. That is so je ne sais quoi. A cloth with an edge like a man with an edge can be exciting; it seams it should be left up to the individual.
you’re unstoppable, yearstricken! you’re the fashion guru now… ^^ these are all very helpful tips. i couldn’t stop laughing especially when i read this “Expect the unexpected but don’t act surprised.” btw, don’t you think you ought to have your own show, huh?! it’ll be a smash hit, i can imagine… hello and cheers! 🙂
I am so glad you found these tips helpful.
I’ve been traveling and have saved all of your posts in my inbox which was hard to do at the same time I was deleting hundreds of others, but worth it. 🙂
That cheers my heart.
I hope you are having a good time in your travels.