Your mother hopes you are not, but if you are like me, you are starting to make a list for your Christmas shopping right about now. For others of you, it’s still too early; after all, there are still four full days left to shop. I understand. You enjoy the Christmas Eve ambiance at the mall: a festive version of the zombie apocalypse but with holiday lights, shopping bags, and pepper spray.
If you prefer online shopping, I’d like to share a few gift ideas from the Hammacher Schlemmer catalogue. In spite of its German name, it’s a U.S.-based company. I have no association, affiliation, alliance, or other alliteration with this company. In fact, I’m hoping they do not attack me for posting pictures of their products in this post.
The Aviator’s Duck Down Hat – the perfect gift for that aviator in your family who needs to duck down. “Captain, it’s the Red Baron. He’s going to shoot. Duck down now!”
The Better Winter Driving Cap – for that driver in your life who is hoping for a better winter or possibly has a better winter than you do.
The Flying Fortress Gunner’s Gloves – for your three-fingered flying friends. (This is what happens when you don’t wear your duck down hat.)
The Keep Your Distance Bug Vacuum – for those who prefer to use electric shock to catch and release their insects. PETI (People for the Ethical Treatment of Insects) had one word for this device: stunning!
The Learn to Play Banjo – for the obsessive-compulsive person in your family who actually wants to learn how to play the banjo rather than use it to fill up that empty space in the closet.
The Marshmallow Shooter – for the busy mom who has a lot of TV shows to catch up on and is being annoyed by her children asking for a treat. “Marvin, stop your bellyaching. Stand over there and open your mouth. There. Now leave me alone. There are some matches in the kitchen you can play with.”
The Weed Whacking Golf Driver – perfect for your wacky multi-tasking golfer who likes a well-trimmed golf course. Whacks both balls and weeds.
The Widemouth Leather Weekend Bag – for your widemouth loved one. It’s the gift that has his or her name written all over it.
You can find more gift ideas at http://www.hammacher.com/
(Disclaimer: Hi, Mr. Hammacher Schlemmer! Happy Holidays! This is all in fun! Please don’t sue me!)