I’m here to help you with holiday gift ideas

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Your mother hopes you are not, but if you are like me, you are starting to make a list for your Christmas shopping right about now. For others of you, it’s still too early; after all, there are still four full days left to shop. I understand. You enjoy the Christmas Eve ambiance at the mall: a festive version of the zombie apocalypse but with holiday lights, shopping bags, and pepper spray.

If you prefer online shopping, I’d like to share a few gift ideas from the Hammacher Schlemmer catalogue. In spite of its German name, it’s a U.S.-based company. I have no association, affiliation, alliance, or other alliteration with this company. In fact, I’m hoping they do not attack me for posting pictures of their products in this post.

The Aviator's Duck Down Hat

 The Aviator’s Duck Down Hat – the perfect gift for that aviator in your family who needs to duck down. “Captain, it’s the Red Baron. He’s going to shoot. Duck down now!”

The Better Winter Driving Cap

The Better Winter Driving Cap – for that driver in your life who is hoping for a better winter or possibly has a better winter than you do.

The Flying Fortress Gunner's Gloves

The Flying Fortress Gunner’s Gloves – for your three-fingered flying friends. (This is what happens when you don’t wear your duck down hat.)

The Keep Your Distance Bug Vacuum

The Keep Your Distance Bug Vacuum – for those who prefer to use electric shock to catch and release their insects. PETI (People for the Ethical Treatment of Insects) had one word for this device: stunning!

The Learn to Play Banjo

The Learn to Play Banjo – for the obsessive-compulsive person in your family who actually wants to learn how to play the banjo rather than use it to fill up that empty space in the closet.

The Marshmallow Shooter

The Marshmallow Shooter – for the busy mom who has a lot of TV shows to catch up on and is being annoyed by her children asking for a treat. “Marvin, stop your bellyaching. Stand over there and open your mouth. There. Now leave me alone. There are some matches in the kitchen you can play with.”

The Weed Whacking Golf Driver

The Weed Whacking Golf Driver – perfect for your wacky multi-tasking golfer who likes a well-trimmed golf course. Whacks both balls and weeds.

The Widemouth Weekend Bag

The Widemouth Leather Weekend Bag – for your widemouth loved one. It’s the gift that has his or her name written all over it.

You can find more gift ideas at http://www.hammacher.com/

Enjoy.

 

(Disclaimer: Hi, Mr. Hammacher Schlemmer! Happy Holidays! This is all in fun! Please don’t sue me!)

16 thoughts on “I’m here to help you with holiday gift ideas

  1. I’m sorry for the following: (disclaimer)
    1. A duck down hat?… The side emblem says Canada Goose, and it looks a lot more like rabbits fur.
    2. Obviously the heater in the Mercedes is on the “fritz”
    3. You need that finger for the .50 Cal.
    4. No comment,,, okay,,,Yuuccckkk dead bugs.
    5. I love the banjo.
    6. “Be careful, you could shoot somebody’s eye out….”
    7. Wouldn’t it be more effective if it was a putter?
    8. I really like the bag, but I can’t afford it, I’ve seen their prices..

    Great post as usual, and Merry Christmas anyway.

  2. Because I’ve written so many shopping guides for publication, I’m jaded when it comes to the whimsical shopping guide story.

    SO, it gives me GREAT pleasure to say that I LOVED both your item choices and your writing in this piece.

    This is sincerely useful and different, and I plan to repost it on FB because I know a number of people who could use a little last-minute help. And *those* people live in colder climates than I do.

    YAY!

    (I want that first hat, but I live in the wrong climate for it. Dang.)

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