Before marriage, most couples spend a lot of time together, which as you know, leads to talking. Lots of talking. Enough to send aloft a fleet of hot air balloons for the mass ascension at the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta, “The World’s Premier Balloon Event.”
Falling in love means finding someone who lives to listen to your every thought, no matter how inane or frankly lame those thoughts are. Having someone hang on your every word as if it were ResQLadder’s 15-foot two-story portable emergency escape ladder with sleeves on chain (now just $128.45) makes you feel important and needed.
After marriage you may find that you send up fewer hot air balloons. In a simile vein, it may seem as if your lover would prefer to stay in the burning building rather than hang on your every word. You have now entered what is known as the “wedding vow” phase of your relationship.
“Give and take” characterizes this type of communication: Would you give me some of your cash? Are you going to take out the garbage? Would you give me some of the cover, all right already? Did you take my towel again? Would you just give me the keys, so I can drive? This question-based form of discourse usually ends with simple wedding-vow type answers: I do, I did, I didn’t, I will, or I won’t.
The hours once spent talking face-to-face or on the phone are repurposed for taking out the garbage, buying groceries, struggling for more of the blanket, and walking through the house naked and dripping wet in search of a clean towel, which by the way, was on the designated towel rack: mine, not yours.
Where once the new couple thought nothing of disturbing the air by vocalizing their thoughts about life, now they may become overly accustomed to certain vibrations in the air and begin to tune them out. Men often lose the ability to hear the higher frequency or pitch associated with women’s air disturbances. This makes starting a conversation more difficult, especially if you have something important that you want to talk about, but you don’t want to bring it up because if your husband truly loved you, he would already know and would admit that he was wrong.
What can be done? First, try changing your pitch. For example, pitch your dishes or other breakable items on an uncarpeted floor. Most men are sensitive to this pitch level and will desire to enter into dialog with you. Commonly, it will cause a husband to ask, “Is anything wrong?” or “Are you upset?”
Rather than expressing your true feelings too soon, which may result in a short conversation and quick resolution, answer, “No. What made you think that?” Then you can infuse the conversation with a sense of playfulness by making your husband guess why you changed your pitch.
If you have break-resistant Corelle dishes, which are not only dishwasher safe, chip resistant, lightweight, stackable and microwave safe, you may eschew* this method. Instead, try slamming drawers or doors. Like sign language, this type of sound language can communicate an infinite variety of messages that jumpstart dialog with your loved one as if you were using Duralast Gold twenty-foot 2 AWG battery booster cables.
Finally, if none of these nonverbal communication methods work, try to find a time when both you and your husband are alone and free from distractions. (Duct tape may be needed.) Sit close to him and cuddle a bit. Look him straight in the eye and lower your voice. Then whisper, “Darling, I’m thinking of becoming a widow.”
Many women notice an almost immediate attentiveness in their husbands after uttering this phrase.
I hope this has helped. And remember: Keep flapping your lips, shaking your hips, and dipping your chips.
- I have it on good authority that you receive a 15% discount on all Corelle products if you know how to pronounce “eschew.” Use the promo code: yearstricken.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Photo: By John Boyd [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons. Thanks, John. A Boyd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
year-struck 
Brilliant!
Thank you. Now I feel as bright as a 75 Watt A19 Philips DuraMax Long Life Light Bulb (also available in 40 and 60 watt).
Absolutely Hilarious!!!
I’m glad you liked it. Thank you for reading.
I do believe in the photo, though! Hand in hand, safe from falling over (hands) OR sinking in (showshoes) on the journey of life….
Very enjoyable post, as ever!
I love that photo, too. I really want to go snowshoeing this year, but the snow keeps melting.
You did it again! You had chocolate without me before breakfast!
I also had lots of strong coffee, but how can you tell?
Excruciatingly brilliant! I’m still wiping the tears from my eyes. Throwing a heavy object over said husband’s left ear and denting the wall, is also an effective way to change said pitch.
Pitching a fit is always an attention-getter.
And as an added bonus, after the comment on becoming a widow, said husband will cease asking “hey what the hell’s for supper?” And will most likely begin to open the purse strings just a bit, for dinner at your local fine-dining establishments such as “Digger’s Dog Shack”…. “C’mon In We’re Waggin’ On You.” Why he may even hire a local kid to take out the garbage for you, and of course start his car in the morning!
Super post as usual YS..
It seems that little phrase catches a man’s attention. 🙂
Amazing what we hear when we want to, isn’t it? lol
So true …
Wisely I’ve kept communication in full operative mode by not marrying my companion. So we communicate more than usual or necessary. However a major bone of contention is pronunciation. Since I used the Queen’s fine English and he’s an American. Even after reminding him that English was invented by the ENGLISH, he has difficulty seeing the point. He eschews all British accents.
Oh I’m going to get him with this one …. I know he’ll pronounce it by spelling it out.
If he successfully pronounces it, be sure to order some Corelle. 🙂
Two great nations (or citizens thereof) separated by a common language!
What an absolutely wonderful post. Finally, after all these years, I think I am beginning to understand how marriage works!
I have only had 30 years at it so I’m still learning. After another 30 I think I will write a book.
Not sure how my phone number managed to get added to my comment but now you have it:)
So glad you and you husband liked the post. I shall remove the number. 🙂
“Darling, I’m thinking of becoming a widow.” — what a way to get a man to pay attention! Brilliant once again, YS!
I’m glad you liked it!
My wife once told me she was thinking of becoming a widow. I told her she’d do it over my dead body.
That is the perfect comeback!
Truly a hilarious one…thanks for posting
Cheers!
Glad you liked it. Thanks for reading.
Loved it as always. My husband doesn’t to pitching, but he thinks I can read his mind.
I think it’s outrageous that a man would think a woman could read his mind. Reading minds is a man’s job. 🙂
So funny. Twice today I have said, “Honey, did you hear me?” I thought maybe he was losing his hearing. Nope. “Uh-huh” he answered both times. Since we have been married for a few decades, I did not respond with “So, you were just ignoring me?!”
Marriage is like living next to a train track. After a while, you learn to tune out the sound. 🙂
Except the snoring!
I do believe you have it down to a science, my dear!
As in science fiction.
This should be a must-read for every young woman thinking about getting married. I wish I’d had this common sense knowledge when I was young and stupid. Oh, well, better late than never.
Thanks again for a brilliant post. 🙂
Glad you liked the post.
If people had common sense when they were young, very few of them would marry or have children. 🙂