Before marriage, most couples spend a lot of time together, which as you know, leads to talking. Lots of talking. Enough to send aloft a fleet of hot air balloons for the mass ascension at the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta, “The World’s Premier Balloon Event.”
Falling in love means finding someone who lives to listen to your every thought, no matter how inane or frankly lame those thoughts are. Having someone hang on your every word as if it were ResQLadder’s 15-foot two-story portable emergency escape ladder with sleeves on chain (now just $128.45) makes you feel important and needed.
After marriage you may find that you send up fewer hot air balloons. In a simile vein, it may seem as if your lover would prefer to stay in the burning building rather than hang on your every word. You have now entered what is known as the “wedding vow” phase of your relationship.
“Give and take” characterizes this type of communication: Would you give me some of your cash? Are you going to take out the garbage? Would you give me some of the cover, all right already? Did you take my towel again? Would you just give me the keys, so I can drive? This question-based form of discourse usually ends with simple wedding-vow type answers: I do, I did, I didn’t, I will, or I won’t.
The hours once spent talking face-to-face or on the phone are repurposed for taking out the garbage, buying groceries, struggling for more of the blanket, and walking through the house naked and dripping wet in search of a clean towel, which by the way, was on the designated towel rack: mine, not yours.
Where once the new couple thought nothing of disturbing the air by vocalizing their thoughts about life, now they may become overly accustomed to certain vibrations in the air and begin to tune them out. Men often lose the ability to hear the higher frequency or pitch associated with women’s air disturbances. This makes starting a conversation more difficult, especially if you have something important that you want to talk about, but you don’t want to bring it up because if your husband truly loved you, he would already know and would admit that he was wrong.
What can be done? First, try changing your pitch. For example, pitch your dishes or other breakable items on an uncarpeted floor. Most men are sensitive to this pitch level and will desire to enter into dialog with you. Commonly, it will cause a husband to ask, “Is anything wrong?” or “Are you upset?”
Rather than expressing your true feelings too soon, which may result in a short conversation and quick resolution, answer, “No. What made you think that?” Then you can infuse the conversation with a sense of playfulness by making your husband guess why you changed your pitch.
If you have break-resistant Corelle dishes, which are not only dishwasher safe, chip resistant, lightweight, stackable and microwave safe, you may eschew* this method. Instead, try slamming drawers or doors. Like sign language, this type of sound language can communicate an infinite variety of messages that jumpstart dialog with your loved one as if you were using Duralast Gold twenty-foot 2 AWG battery booster cables.
Finally, if none of these nonverbal communication methods work, try to find a time when both you and your husband are alone and free from distractions. (Duct tape may be needed.) Sit close to him and cuddle a bit. Look him straight in the eye and lower your voice. Then whisper, “Darling, I’m thinking of becoming a widow.”
Many women notice an almost immediate attentiveness in their husbands after uttering this phrase.
I hope this has helped. And remember: Keep flapping your lips, shaking your hips, and dipping your chips.
- I have it on good authority that you receive a 15% discount on all Corelle products if you know how to pronounce “eschew.” Use the promo code: yearstricken.
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Photo: By John Boyd [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons. Thanks, John. A Boyd in the hand is worth two in the bush.