Bewilderment and laughter

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An administrative map of Burma with the Karen region in yellow.

An administrative map of Burma with the Karen region in yellow.

 

They are a small people, the Karen.  Most are short and wiry, used to carrying heavy loads. They laugh often.

 

 

Once, they cultivated the earth. People of the soil, they planted the land with seeds and cuttings to feed their villages. They knew the depth the seed desired, the care the small plants needed, and the time for harvest. They knew the rain by smell, marked the patterns of flight of greedy birds who circled over their fields, and recognized every insect, tree, and animal that shared the land with them.

 

 

They have been transplanted, forced to flee their land, Burma, to live here in northeastern Wisconsin. Soldiers have cultivated their homeland with death, planting landmines in fields and on paths. The earth, once life-giver, has become life and limb taker. Eastern Burma, the Karen homeland, now vies with Afghanistan as the most landmine-ridden area of the world.

 

 

Three months ago, Ba, Mer, Hsa, Paw, Aung and a dozen others doubled their latitude and landed on the other side of the world. Ba, Mer, and Hsa have never studied before. I bewilder them by drawing lines on the whiteboard, pointing to them, and making strange sounds. They understand the pictures in the textbook, but the sounds are hard to make.

 

 

In time they match sound to word, greet me with “Good morning, teacher” and “Good-bye, teacher.” Most of the other students now understand the grammar that we study, do well on the tests, and easily join in the pair work to practice speaking. When I explain the task to Ba, Mer, and Hsa, they laugh and say, “I don’t know.” I want to tell them “I don’t know, either.”

 

 

I don’t know the secrets of the soil or how to coax enough food from seeds to feed my family. I must trust others to tell me how to read the sky or translate the language of birds. I cannot harvest rice or carry grain across mountain paths. I know words and live most of my life inside. I live on the earth, not with the earth. What I know is a small tree in a vast forest of what I do not know.

 

 

Once, some years past, I had to flee a place I’d grown accustomed to, a place I loved. I left abruptly, never to return, and the ache remains. My own leaving is a small thing, compared to that of my students, thrust out of their homes by war, rape, landmines, forced labor, and destruction of their villages. But I feel a kinship. Somehow we have each been planted here, meeting in rooms to struggle with words, each of us knowing and not-knowing so much. We greet one another and begin the day, scribbling on boards and in books, smiling, speaking, wondering, and sharing our bewilderment. But always with laughter, the one true language we share.

 

Map courtesy of Aotearoa 

 

I hear the bells a-ringing

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My mind refuses to reveal the details of the day that I first read Poe’s poem “The Bells.” I do remember, however, the pleasure of hearing it read out loud and listening to the music of the bells in every line. Most likely it was in my sophomore year of high school. The teacher’s name remains buried beneath the rubble of my memories, but I remember that she was a great lover of words. Although I had some interest in biology, French, and algebra, I loved English class because we were required to read. No one had to require me to read, but English class assignments gave me the perfect excuse to avoid chores or obligations – Sorry, but I have to read this for English class.

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Poe’s use of language, first ringing and singing then wrangling and jangling across the page, thrilled me. I loved the words, even the ones I didn’t know yet like tintinnabulation, euphony, and monody. I never forgot the delight of listening to those tinkling silver sleigh bells and the bright golden wedding bells, followed by the clanging bronze alarm bells that led finally and irrevocably to the heavy iron bells tolling death. Poe, of course, could never stop with love and beauty; he had to follow them to their final end. But it was the magic of the words even more than the meaning of the poem that held me and rang in my mind ever after.

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A half of a century later, I often think of Poe and his poem. When the world and the whirlwind in my mind are still, especially at night, which is when all of Poe’s bells ring, I hear the tintinnabulation of the bells, ringing and singing in my ear without end. I had hoped six weeks ago, when the ringing first began that it was a temporary aberration of the ear, but it has continued. The official name for this most poetic of conditions is tinnitus, so called since 1684 when it was listed in a medical dictionary as “a certain buzzing or tingling in the ear.”

 

Like so many conditions and health issues, the only cure is death. Until then, I must learn to manage the sound, ignoring it when I can. When I am busy, I don’t notice it at all. Thankfully, I have discovered dozens of possible illnesses that cause tinnitus. I’m sure I have all of them, so I should stay quite busy, first by diagnosing myself to confirm that I have them, next by keeping vigil by my deathbed, and finally by spontaneously recovering from all of them.

 

My ear rings! Day and night.

My ear rings! Day and night.

For your reading pleasure, go here to read “The Bells.” Enjoy. May it ring in your mind, but not your ears, forever.

 

Photos: Large church bell by Cherubino    Small bells by David Blaikie     Three bells by Badseed

 

The care and feeding of an elephant

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At the circus, when you first see an elephant, you want one. Once you take a ride around the tent on its back, you tell yourself that one day you will buy one. You can see everything from up there.

 

 

When you grow up, everyone seems to have one. The circus does that to you. Elephants never forget and neither do the people who go there. But you, you don’t buy an elephant. You admire and enjoy other people’s elephants. But what would you do with one if you had it? Elephants can’t travel with you around the world. You would have to buy the entire circus, and you can’t do that.

 

 

Then one day, you stop traveling and you buy an elephant. You are thrilled and dismayed at the same time. Elephants require a lot of care. Depending on their size, they can eat up to 300 pounds of food each day. You have to provide water for drinking, at least 20 or more gallons per day, and extra water for daily cleaning. Their feet cannot be neglected, and unless you have training, you have to hire a vet to check them for you. Finally, you must consider waste. With elephants, dung happens. Regularly. When you least expect it. And at the most inconvenient times.

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I’m not complaining. I like my elephant. I’m doing my best to take care of it and learn all its quirks. At the end of the day, when I come back from work, it’s there waiting for me. I climb on its strong back and enjoy the view, trusting it to carry me into the future.

 

 

Because that’s what a homeowner does, right?

 

 

Front photo courtesy of fir0002 | flagstaffotos.com.au   
Back photo courtesy of SuperJew

Our Sunday drive

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Sunday afternoon we drove up north to see some fall colors. The wizards of weather foresaw rain and gloom, but the wind tidied up the sky and swept the clouds into the corners so the sun could shine across the bright blue dome.

 

 

Crowds of slim birch trees dressed in their finest yellow drew close to the road and shyly waved as we drove by. Rosy-cheeked sumac crowded round their feet and drew even closer to watch the cars go by. The oaks, of course, wore their best: dappled patterns of green, yellow, orange, and red; swaths of color made iridescent by the light. Standing among the glory of the colors, the firs and pine trees kept to themselves, attending to their business of staying ever green.

 

 

Near the village of Wittenberg, we saw one deer, a young doe, crossing the road. We slowed the car, and she turned to look at us. When we drew closer, she turned and ran, her white tail waving goodbye.

 

 

Near Tigerton and again near New London, we crossed the Embarrass River with its intriguing name. It’s easy to imagine the naming as a kind of penance for some act of shame or humiliation by Wisconsin’s early settlers, but it’s merely French for obstruction. Before any other Europeans arrived here, the French canoed their way through the state rivers looking for a route to China. They were as successful as we were as children, digging holes, thinking we could tunnel through the earth and crawl out in Shanghai. Trees lining this tributary of the Wolf River fell into the water, clogging the passage of the French, so they named it for its obstruction.

 

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Our drive led us past red-barned fields, each marked by one or more silo like silent sentinels guarding the farms. Acres of corn crowded the land, each stalk wearing a feathered cap in anticipation of the harvest.

 

 

We spoke little on our drive; our hearts were too full. Fall crushes us with its beauty and heals us in turn. Beauty is the heart-balm that creates a longing for home and then invites us in, and each time the earth turns, splashing my eyes with its color, I cannot get enough of it.

 

 

On gimpy knees

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So much hinges on the knee. 

 

During our move to the new house, I did something to offend my right knee. I don’t know if it was something I said or did, but it has been complaining day and night for about a week. After several particularly heated arguments, I tried cooling it down with ice. That worked for a while. Various creams and gentle massaging have helped, too.

 

X_RAY_-_Knee

 

My knees never used to be so touchy. We traveled everywhere together; my silent partners who helped my thighbones and shank bones stay connected. I admit I complained about their shape for years. I’ve never had shapely legs, and even though I’m not overweight, my knees are pudgy.

 

 

I searched online to find out more about cranky knees and discovered I have at least 8 or 9 serious joint/ligament/cartilage/bone diseases, syndromes, and conditions. I should know better than to use Google as a diagnostic tool, but I can’t help myself. Unlike my knees, I’m slightly unhinged.

 

 

Ever since the right knee started whining, I’ve been expressing how grateful I am for my legs and for my knees in particular. Without them I would never have been able to skate around the block as a little girl, pigtails flying and both knees skinned up by the cracks that caught the wheels and brought me down.  I would have missed getting up on the dance floor to do the Twist, the Watusi, the Pony, and the Mashed Potato. And how else would I have been able to roll out of bed at 3 a.m. for a crying child who found sleep again only as I paced and hummed across the living room floor? These legs with their pudgy knees hiked up the 300 steps of the Sacre-Couer Basilica after a day of sightseeing just to delight my two eyes with a panoramic view of Paris and never complained when I then asked them to take me up the 284 steps to the top of the Arc de Triomphe. Across streets, up and down stairs, on concrete walkways, over dirt paths, atop tiled and wooden floors, and through yards of green grass, my legs and knees have shown me 10,000 miles or more of our sun-warmed world. So perhaps a little complaining is to be expected.

 

 

This morning the right knee hasn’t said much. I’ve been much kinder to it this week, so perhaps that helped. I hope Google and my imagination are wrong about all those knee ailments, but I’ve passed into the land where the traveler is often waylaid by disease and deterioration. From here, it’s hard to tell if the road ahead leads upward, downward, or stays flat. I’m counting on my knees, gimpy or otherwise, to get me to my destination.

 

 

Photo courtesy of AKha

 

Once I was keyless

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We’ve been looking for a key for the last three and a half years and finally found one. We looked in two different counties, two cities, and one town. And we had to walk through room and after room, opening drawers, peeking into closets, and looking around basements. What an ordeal.

Last week we found the key we were looking for. It’s the priciest key we have ever bought, but it opens the door of our very first home. Yes, we waited six decades to buy our first house. That’s what happens if you live like nomads for most of your life.

For a while I imagined that my first and last house would have about 16 square feet  – all basement with no windows or doors. Sooner or later we all move into one of those houses or a cozy urn.

The upstairs of this house is full of light and the basement has daylight windows with beautiful views of trees and flowers. I don’t feel like it’s ours though and keep expecting the real owners to show up and ask us what we are doing living in their house.

I would like to use the buying of the house as an excuse for not reading and commenting on other people’s blogs but it’s not a very good excuse, so I will try to add more in order to excuse myself more.

In August I signed up to teach a one-month intensive English writing class, which met 10 hours a week and required that I create a new curriculum. Then WordPress, which had been preventing me from commenting on many other blogs, suddenly stopped sending me email updates.

Dragging my excuses out of my head onto paper makes them look small, but believe me, inside my head they took up a lot of room. I could hardly get around them to tend to anything other than school and house-hunting/finding/moving. When you have a small brain, just about any idea or excuse looks big inside it, so while I am no longer keyless, I’m still clueless.

 

 

Ancient key

 

Dealing with your dirty laundry

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Like you, I have secrets, things that no one else knows, except me (oh, and the NSA, the National Security Agency aka No Secrets Allowed). And like you, I have dirty laundry.

 

My dirty little laundry secret is that I have opened up my home to an agitator.

 

Up until last week, I had no idea that Uncle Sam wanted to wipe them all out. Agitators have been part of American life for as long as I remember. Every home used to harbor one. But since 2004, they’ve been banned, or at least highly discouraged, by the people who have one of the highest piles of dirty laundry in the world.

 

I know agitators are an endangered species because we had to buy a new washing machine.

 

It's time I got a new washing machine.

It’s time I got a new washing machine.

 

Open up a new top loading or a front loading washer and see for yourself. Outside of the inside of a Speed Queen you won’t find many agitators. Just big empty tubs that spin. Oddly, the same thing could be said of many of our lawmakers, but that’s beside the point or at least in close proximity.

 

 

We bought the Speed Queen after reading reviews, talking to appliance sales clerks, and looking inside our wallets. We’ll use more water than our neighbors with the new high-efficiency washer, but we’ll do fewer loads because it’s just the two of us. I promise.

 

Have you seen this agitator? Let your government know now!

Have you seen this agitator? Let your government know now!

 

I’m all for high-efficiency, reducing carbon footprints and muddy footprints, and cleaning up my laundry and my act. I just wish the people who are going after agitators would do the same.

 

 

Wanted poster of the agitator courtesy of  © BrokenSphere / Wikimedia Commons

 

The journey of 10,000 steps begins with a pedometer

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The word pedometer, also known as a waywiser, began sauntering through the English language nearly 400 years ago, though devices that measure the number a person’s footsteps have been around longer than that.  It’s taken me some time, but I finally have one, securely clipped to my waistband to record every step I take. I won the device by going to a health fair at work sponsored by our insurance provider. By uploading my step count, I can win more prizes; sadly, none of which are dark chocolate.

I am happy about the pedometer for two reasons. First, I like the idea that my school and insurance company are focusing on health rather than sickness. And second, I like being rewarded for taking care of myself. I wish the rewards included reduced premiums for making good choices, but then the yearly salary of the company’s CEO – over $14 million – wouldn’t be so healthy. And like all insurance companies, mine is all about that kind of health.

Not my pedometer or your father's pedometer. More likely your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather (if he happened to be from southern Germany).

Not my pedometer or your father’s pedometer. More likely your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather (if he happened to be from southern Germany).

Besides making me happy, the pedometer reduces my paranoia a bit. I have a terrible habit of reading about medical horrors. In the age of the Internet, this is a very bad habit indeed. I have instant access to what is killing me, and you’d be surprised about how many germs, bacteria, viruses, syndromes, and diseases have it in for me. And now, chairs.

For millennia people have turned their backs on chair and mooned them – yes, mostly behind layers of clothing, but still. And do you think chairs just take it sitting down? If you answered yes, you’re right. Most chairs just sit there, though the occasional chair may swivel or rock. However, if you answered yes, you’re also wrong, because now chairs’ evil intentions have been revealed.

Sitting four hours or more at a time negatively affects insulin levels, good cholesterol, fat-burning ability, and bone density. Long-term sitters have shorter lives, which may or may not be a good thing, depending on how much you have saved for retirement. (Don’t take my word for it – about the chair sitting, not the retirement – take these words or these ones or these ones, but please put them back when you’re done.) So those lush, comfy recliners with cup holders and places for your remote calling you to sit back and relax are really just electric chairs covered in fabric. This saddens me because I always thought I had a good relationship with my rocking recliner where I write most of my posts. I’m pretty sure I have spent months of my life in that chair, never realizing those were the actual last months of my life. This concerns me. Not only will I die younger than I would have, but I will die out of order.

Several websites on the oracle known as Google recommend 10,000 steps per day to maintain health. That’s my aim and I better get to it. So far this morning, I’ve managed 57 steps from bed to bathroom to kitchen to chair. Only 9,943 to go.

 

 Photo courtesy of anagoria at Wikipedia.

Yesterday a wind blew

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Yesterday a wind blew – a wind without urgency, a wind that held me in its arms, a wind of promise. I recognized that wind from the dreams I have had since childhood. So many nights I have heard its call to fly and have soared across the skies of dreamland.

 

 

The wind yesterday waited outside my door. And as I walked, it called me to the sky. I raised my arms, just as I do in my dreams, almost believing that the wind would lift me up and carry me. And when my feet held firm, stayed in the world’s grip, I pretended to stretch. I have been taught to keep my dreams to myself, yet I raised my arms more than once, as much a gesture of love to the world and sky as a hope that I could fly.

 

 

A gauze of clouds rimmed the sky, diffusing the sun’s light. I walked further than I normally do, immersed in that cool, soft wind that gave and took my breath away.

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Later in the morning I saw the geese flying, carried by the same promise, arrowing across the sky to places I cannot go. I trembled at their loveliness and listened to their calls, a language strange and yet familiar. I watched them, and my heart stirred with a longing for a place I cannot name but want to call home.

 

 

What wonder is this that I could see the sky so blue, filled with geese, their cries filling the moment like a cup, brimful with joy, prepared just for me.

 

 

 

 

Photo on Wikimedia Commons courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/people/37804979@N00

Furniture for life

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Do you worry sometimes that your coffee table will not protect in case of an emergency? Or have you considered what you would do if you were innocently drinking coffee in your living room while watching the news that the zombie apocalypse had arrived, and just as the weather guy came on trying to hide his delight that another snowstorm was on its way, a zombie broke in with a gun? Finally, is it your considered opinion that every piece of furniture should serve more than one purpose, and the main purpose should be saving your life?

 

 

If you said yes to any or all of the above questions, I have two things to say to you. First, you may need professional help. And luckily for you, I profess to help others, so you could say I’m professional. Second, if you hurry, you might be able to get a piece of furniture that is easy to clean and, unlike your side table, can protect your life.

 

 

What am I talking about, you ask? That’s a good question, and it is one people frequently ask me. If you must know, I’m talking about the bullet resistant home defense coffee table offered on Craigslist.  I copied the text of the ad below and cannot take credit for the double “think”ing or the exclamation point.

 

 

Picture Bullet Resistant Home Defense Coffee Table

This coffee table is not only modern and will look great in your home but it can save your life. Bullet resistant acrylic 1 1/4" think (sic) x 24" wide x 48" long. As you can see we tested it out at 15 feet and the only think (sic) that could penetrate it and come out the other side with less than deadly force was a tactical slug. Please email for price!

 

For those whose home decorating style preference can best be described as Modern Paranoia, this is a must-have piece of furniture. Of course, if the person/zombie trying to shoot you while you are lounging in your living room is using tactical slugs, I think the bullet can penetrate the acrylic. Every time I read the ad, I get a bit confused. Is a tactical slug the only thing (think) that can penetrate with less than deadly force?  Just in case, it wouldn’t hurt to wear your bulletproof loungewear around the house. If you are reading this blog, I assume you have some.

 

 

If you would like a sofa to go with your coffee table, you can now order a bulletproof sofa with a hidden gun safe underneath the cushions. Go here to learn more about it.

 

 

Clearly it’s time for me to find a new recliner, perhaps one with a hidden grenade launcher that is released when I pull the lever for the leg rest. Of course, then I would have to have an armored TV in case I accidentally launched it when that weather guy came on.