Frequently Not Asked Questions: Five



Are you a nosy person? Do you ever check your husband’s cell?



Only when I let him out for good behavior….



Oh, you meant his cell phone. No, I never check that.



I hardly ever check my own phone, much less anyone else’s. If phones were like dogs, the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cellphone Abstention) would rescue mine and put it in the hands of someone who would give the phone the attention it deserves.



Since I am fairly good with faces,  I don’t need to check an online book to remember who my friends and family are or to discover they wear shoes (see the photos!), spend a good part of the day finding YouTube videos (follow the links!) or can’t spell (see the werds!) I don’t like online games and on my morning drive, I see plenty of road hogs and angry birds flipped in every direction; I am not interested in playing games based on them. I tried wearing earphones and listening to music while I walked, but I missed the natural sounds around me. My favorite tweets come from the birds in my neighborhood, and I’ve been streaming reality so long, I prefer it to all other kinds.



When I was a young girl, dogs were everywhere, free to roam, and phones were on leashes. Now phones are everywhere, free to roam, and dogs are on leashes. I’m glad to have a cellphone untethered from the wall that can stay by my side throughout the day, an ever-faithful companion, but I never could abide a yappy dog. Some days I see my cellphone as a Saint Bernard, ready to rescue me in any emergency; but most of the time, I see it as a Golden Retriever, sent to fetch the voices of the ones I love and miss.



Now, if you’ll excuse me, I hear some funny noises coming from the cell. I better see what my husband needs.



It's for you; Nature's calling.

It’s for you; Nature’s calling.




Cell can be found at







18 thoughts on “Frequently Not Asked Questions: Five

  1. There is nothing more annoying than talking to someone whose thumbs are rotating at a high speed. My phone is always in my purse, turned off unless I expect or need a call. I think that’s how nature wanted it.

  2. A wonderful post… both because I agree with you completely… and because it made me smile. And I really needed a smile at the moment. You have no idea… I think… thank you

  3. Sheeeeeeesh …. I had trouble with bank machines when I came to America …. Queues would form behind me as I struggled with the buttons and slots. So I’ve avoided any device which might subject me to public embarrassment.

    However I succumbed to a “smart” phone from Walmart two months ago. How could I resist such an affordable plan? The only problem is that the darned thing is smarter than I am. So I just turn it off and carry it around so I fit in with the world around me. I have a cute little case for it too. Now I’m hip and with it.

    I just hope it doesn’t ring, because you have to swipe something somewhere and I can’t get that function to work. I stand there flailing away at it as if it was covered with pesky flies.

    • My phone is very smart, full of news, games, videos, stories, blogs, etc. It has seduced me to download quite a number of apps that require updating and attention. In my more lucid moments, I wonder why I thought I needed them in the first place. But although it can pinpoint my exact location on planet earth, it is no better than I am at locating where I put my glasses.

  4. Dear Abby,

    Many moons ago a work friend of mine bought a cell phone because his son had joined the Army and was being shipped to Iraq.. That was his expressed purpose for having one…. His son now has been back, and out of the army for quite a number of years, but I think my friend has had that damn cell phone surgically attached to his ear, he’s never off of the thing… Is it normal for me to be irritated or am I being too critical?

    Get off the damn phone and do your job.

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