IMPORTANT NOTICE
This notice is to advise you that you have been identified as a potential plaintiff in a class action suit.
1.If you or any member of your family, literate or illiterate, are in any way, shape, or form offended, perplexed, flummoxed, miffed, piqued, ticked off, galled, mauled, stalled, appalled, or put out, in, on, through and/or by any letter, word, phrase, clause, dangling modifier, use of punctuation or lack thereof; or, if after experiencing any of the heretofore said offenses to any of your real or imaginary sensibilities, which, in my humble opinion, should really be dealt with in therapy, counseling, neurofeedback, breathwork, mindfulness, mindlessless, psychoanalysis, and all other things psycho; and, if you have experienced any type of hypochondria, including, but not limited to, dizziness, headaches, even more cellulite than you already have, nausea, nervousness, prolonged eructation, syncopated flatulence, memory loss, or the inability to lose memories of posts you have read, scanned, skimmed, explicated, or deleted from your inbox without reading; then, you may be entitled to join a class action suit against yearstruck.com.
2. Should a Superior Court, or a lesser Inferior Court, find any merit in this claim, all plaintiffs, heretoafter referred to as tiffs, since some may be plain and others may be fancy, will, should, can, might, ought to, must, and could receive a complete and total refund of all monies spent on therapy and/or merchandise from the heretobefore not named person or persons responsible for trying to sell affixation kits, exercise DVDs, and re-discovered miracle cures, which may or may not exist outside of the imagination of not-said and still-not-named person or persons.
3. This notice is time sensitive because time is of the essence, it flies, it waits for no man, woman, or child under the age of three, who is at least 26 inches tall and must be accompanied by a parent at all times; otherwise, the management cannot be held responsible or reprehensible for what happens to unattended baggage; therefore, potential tiffs, plain or otherwise, must respond to this notice by no later than, but no earlier than noon (GMT) on any Monday, or a reasonable facsimile, designated as April 9 in the year 2012, or any other year whose digits match those numbers exactly.
4. All claims must be accompanied by receipts, copies of promises, billing statements, and cash or a check in the amount of, but not limited to, $5.00 (U.S.) for handling fees. Once this claim is won, all handling fees will be returned, drawn from the large amount of money that the now-said defendant yearstricken will receive from one Chang Zhang who recently informed the again-said yearstricken, in an e-mail obtained in a manner that may or may not be admissible in court: An arab made a fixed deposit of $25,500.000.00 in my bank branch where i am adirector and he died with his entire family in the war leaving behind no next of kin.If you choose to stand as my deceased client’s next of kin and if interested, mail me at the address below:changzhang23(at)yahoo(dot)com.hk Yours Truly, Chang Zhang.
5. Based on all, some, or none of this evidence, which may or may not be true, but you never know, you may be entitled to a portion, or a part of the soon-to-be deposited money, including any and all of the zeroes; but only if act now because this offer won’t last long.
year-struck 
Now THIS is a morning workout!
Thank you for a much more amusing and enlightening read than any contract I’ve ever seen.
I’m so glad you liked it.
You are so weird! God love ya! We bloggers sure do! Thanks for the laugh.
I concur, Pat. Weird and wonderful she is.
The odd thing is that I don’t consider myself weird.
Dear Shister (oops – Mister) Chang Zhang – send me my money. Now. Thanks so much.
p.s. this DOES NOT mean I’m related, pretending to be related, or wishing I was related.
p.p.s. please post-date the check for 02-04-2019 (a close enough match on the date).
p.p.p.s. do you supposed prolonged eructation can contribute to persistent epizooty?
In my experience, prolonged eructation contributes to multiple postscripts. 🙂
No further questions, your Honor.
Was laughing so hard I nearly became a poster child for a Depends commercial, but I doubt you need any more evidence than what you’ve already presented. Would write more, but reading your bit convinced me to book a trip to London and claim the 350,000 pounds British Sterling left me by my great grandfather’s next door neighbor, Jabba the Hut. So good!
I used to get lots of e-mails from people in Nigeria who loved me and chose me to receive millions of dollars. It’s been a long time since anyone selected me. I’m still beaming.
I believe I am related to the deceased……
The only way to verify that is for you to send me the number to your bank account.
You drive a hard bargain!
Medic!!!! This woman is obviously suffering an advanced case of thesauriosis. Possibly incurable, but probably not fatal. Perhaps a judicious dose of dark chocolate will help.
Chocolate helps but only temporarily, for a short time, of limited duration, briefly, for a bit, for a little while, for a moment, for a spell, for a while, momentarily, transiently, and not for long.
And now I have questions about syncopated flatulence. What in the Sam Hill is syncopated flatulence?
Even the great Le Pétomane could not synchronize his, um, music with another… artist.
Yearstricken, you never cease to amaze. I love this!
About syncopated flatulence, I hate to get into technical discussions because I am not really sure myself. It just sounded like so much fun.
I’m good with that. It sounds hilarious!
This post caused me to have a fit of syncope-inducing lafflatulence, or ‘laughing until noxious emissions and said laughing get into a severe call-and-response cycle that causes one to fall into a light coma’.
Good grief, woman, you sound like some kind of medical genius the way you sling that jargon around.
Delightful and certifiably hilarious. You, miss, are brilliant.
You are so kind. I’m glad you liked it.
If you really want to see an actual, crazy, award-winning work of lawyerly a*& covering, read the American Idol release form.
Click to access ai11_releases.pdf
Clearly, I am an amateur. And a jealous one at that. I must work harder on my important notices.
As we used to say as kids, You Crack Me Up! Would that I had your vocabulary…
So glad that it cracked you up. We used to say that one, too.
My dear year-struck. I was wondering if you could help me with something. I have subscribed to your posts…am following…but, I don’t get your update reminders through e mail. Do you have any idea what I’ve done incorrectly here? I like to stay current on your writing! So, buddy, help me out!
When you are in your dashboard, click on the WordPress icon in the upper left-hand corner and select “Read Blogs.” Next to “Blogs I Follow,” you will see “Edit List.” (It looks like it has been grayed out.) My blog should be in that list. On the right-hand side, you can select how often you want to get new posts by e-mail: Never, Daily, Instantly, Weekly.
Let me know if that helps.
Thank you so much for reading, Painter Lady.
AWESOME! Wowsers! I didn’t even know about the WordPress button! lol Now…my problem is that the entire bottom half of my list was set on Never…and the top…Instantly. I’ve changed to Instantly for all my favourites, but can’t seem to find a save all button and I’ve gone through this process twice. lol Where’s the save button? Are you now my happy engineer? lol
So glad I could be of help. I don’t think you need to hit a save button. It should automatically send the posts to your e-mail once you select something other than “Never.” 🙂
Don’t know whether to sue her or to kiss her, so I’ll just keep on sitting here in the shade of the tree, and take a sip now and then while humming a melody.
Let me know which one you decide on.