This notice is to advise you that you have been identified as a potential plaintiff in a class action suit.
1.If you or any member of your family, literate or illiterate, are in any way, shape, or form offended, perplexed, flummoxed, miffed, piqued, ticked off, galled, mauled, stalled, appalled, or put out, in, on, through and/or by any letter, word, phrase, clause, dangling modifier, use of punctuation or lack thereof; or, if after experiencing any of the heretofore said offenses to any of your real or imaginary sensibilities, which, in my humble opinion, should really be dealt with in therapy, counseling, neurofeedback, breathwork, mindfulness, mindlessless, psychoanalysis, and all other things psycho; and, if you have experienced any type of hypochondria, including, but not limited to, dizziness, headaches, even more cellulite than you already have, nausea, nervousness, prolonged eructation, syncopated flatulence, memory loss, or the inability to lose memories of posts you have read, scanned, skimmed, explicated, or deleted from your inbox without reading; then, you may be entitled to join a class action suit against yearstruck.com.
2. Should a Superior Court, or a lesser Inferior Court, find any merit in this claim, all plaintiffs, heretoafter referred to as tiffs, since some may be plain and others may be fancy, will, should, can, might, ought to, must, and could receive a complete and total refund of all monies spent on therapy and/or merchandise from the heretobefore not named person or persons responsible for trying to sell affixation kits, exercise DVDs, and re-discovered miracle cures, which may or may not exist outside of the imagination of not-said and still-not-named person or persons.
3. This notice is time sensitive because time is of the essence, it flies, it waits for no man, woman, or child under the age of three, who is at least 26 inches tall and must be accompanied by a parent at all times; otherwise, the management cannot be held responsible or reprehensible for what happens to unattended baggage; therefore, potential tiffs, plain or otherwise, must respond to this notice by no later than, but no earlier than noon (GMT) on any Monday, or a reasonable facsimile, designated as April 9 in the year 2012, or any other year whose digits match those numbers exactly.
4. All claims must be accompanied by receipts, copies of promises, billing statements, and cash or a check in the amount of, but not limited to, $5.00 (U.S.) for handling fees. Once this claim is won, all handling fees will be returned, drawn from the large amount of money that the now-said defendant yearstricken will receive from one Chang Zhang who recently informed the again-said yearstricken, in an e-mail obtained in a manner that may or may not be admissible in court: An arab made a fixed deposit of $25,500.000.00 in my bank branch where i am adirector and he died with his entire family in the war leaving behind no next of kin.If you choose to stand as my deceased client’s next of kin and if interested, mail me at the address below:changzhang23(at)yahoo(dot)com.hk Yours Truly, Chang Zhang.
5. Based on all, some, or none of this evidence, which may or may not be true, but you never know, you may be entitled to a portion, or a part of the soon-to-be deposited money, including any and all of the zeroes; but only if act now because this offer won’t last long.