followers

Awards for the rest of us

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When I started blogging, I checked the Freshly Pressed homepage to find blogs to read. Then I discovered the Topics page and searched that way. Once I found blogs I liked, I checked out their blog rolls or went to the blogs of those who commented. On those blogs I found more blog rolls and more comments.

 

I don’t cook anymore because I’m too busy learning how to make (and spell) bouillabaisse; my house is a mess, but I know how to make environmentally safe cleaning products and how to organize my closets; and I rarely speak to my husband because I’m too busy reading the five blogs I found that tell you the secrets to a happy marriage. Plus, there’s the stat-checking, which reminds me.

 

Hi. I’m back.

 

But that’s not what I want to talk about today. Yesterday I did check out Freshly Pressed, and I saw somebody I knew! In blog talk, that means a blogger that I follow and who follows me. Unlike in the real world, in the blog world, you want a bunch of strangers to follow you. Whoever has the most stalkers wins. But to have stalkers, you must stalk; so it’s difficult to know who is following who. It’s like riding a carousel but without the music. I’m the one on the Palomino.

 

But that’s not what I want to talk about today either. (Going round and round like that makes me dizzy!) Kate of Views and Mews of Coffee Kat got Freshly Pressed. Not Kate herself because that would hurt, but her blog. Go see right now; there is not a wrinkle in sight. That’s how good those WordPress ironers are.

 

Congratulations, Kate. Don’t worry about the rest of us and our wrinkly blogs. We’ll manage somehow.

 

I’ve been tirelessly working on a list of awards for the rest of us. See below. Please feel free to add your ideas.

Freshly Blessed – for blogs with a spiritual emphasis

Freshly Blessed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Freshly Dressed (fowl division) – for cooking blogs

Freshly Dressed (fowl division)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Freshly Dressed (human division) – for fashion blogs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Freshly Messed – for blogs about home renovation

Freshly Messed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Freshly Stressed – for mommy blogs

Freshly Stressed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Freshly Tressed – for blogs about hair styling

 

Freshly Tressed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pressed Flesh (G-rated) – for blogs about pregnancy

Pressed Flesh (G-rated)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Frenchly Pressed – for blogs about coffee and the French press

Frenchly Pressed

My iPhone has 209,727 Facebook followers

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It may happen sooner than you think

I’m afraid.

I’ve always been close to my iPhone, so I thought we had a good relationship, one built on mutual trust. But last Saturday, when I checked my WordPress account on my iPhone, I learned that it has a secret life on Facebook. I took a screenshot as evidence. Here is an enlarged picture:

164,335 Facebook followers!  I was beside myself, which is rather convenient when you want to have a conversation with yourself.

I: How did it get that many followers?

Myself: It has that two-way camera, and you walk around the house at night with nothing on but your winter pajamas and your robe!

I: Do you think it’s taking pictures when I’m not looking?

Myself: Probably. And remember, it has a built-in recorder.

I: Do you think it’s revealing all my secrets to the world?

Myself: No, you’re already doing that on your blog.

When my daughter came over, I showed her what I had found, and we deliberately talked about it in front of the phone. I hoped to shame the phone into removing its Facebook account and stop using my WordPress account to garner followers.

But, friends, it has gotten worse. Look at the screenshot I took last night:

Already up to 207,216 followers. That’s over 42,000 new followers in just two days. This morning the number was up over 2,000. At this rate, by March of next year, every single person on Facebook will be following my iPhone. World domination will follow.

I need your help, kind readers. You see, I don’t have a Facebook account. That’s why I’m afraid.  I am not on Facebook as yearstricken or under the name my mother gave me. Don’t laugh. Not everyone in the world is on Facebook. There are at least two tribes in the Amazon that don’t have any members on Facebook yet.

Would you please go to your Facebook account and see if there are any photos of a somewhat mature woman in a burgundy down-filled robe? If there are photos with her robe open *blush*, you may see blue pajamas with these very cute moose on them. Kindly remove the photos. If my phone insists on having an account, I don’t want it luring people in and gathering followers with risqué photos of me. That’s not the proper path to world domination.

Thank you for your help.