The calendar and thermometer have been arguing about whether it’s really spring here in northeast Wisconsin. The calendar, who happened to major in English, has already written this year’s story and insists that we are just a Memorial Day away from unofficial summer. The thermometer, a math geek, sees the world in numbers, and kindly pointed out this morning that the number at 6 a.m. was 36 degrees. My heart is with the calendar, but my feet side with the thermometer.
Be that as it may, could, would, or should, my school semester has ended, the papers and tests have been marked, and the grades put in. Now that I am no longer teaching, you could say I was “classless.” (And you would not be the only one to say so.) For the next two months I plan to read, write, loll around, dither, wander and meander, and practice retirement.
However, since I believe that you’re never too old to learn something new, or too young to learn something old, or even too new to know now what you didn’t know then, I am looking into summer classes that I will not only enjoy but will also be able to apply toward maintaining my certification credentials.
(The 56-word sentence above, masquerading as a paragraph, gives me secret pleasure because while I don’t allow my students to get away with that kind of writing, I let myself get away with it. We teachers get our pleasures where we can.)
I found one writing class, which satisfies both my interest and my certification needs, but I have been hoping for another. So far I haven’t found anything, but I did create a wish list of classes I would be interested in.
- Risk Management and Interplanetary Scandinavian Studies
- Therapeutic Zoological Phonemes in the Writing of Dr. Seuss
- Urban Uterine Ultrasound Graffiti
- Astro-Psychology of Real and Unreal Estate
- Obstetrics Music Performance
- Electrical Entomology
- Microscopic Macro Studies in Micro-Linguistic Microcosmic Microwave Microchips in Microbiology
- Slavic Plant Pathology and Philosophy
- Genealogical Genomes in Gender Genuflection
- Ethics of Folkloric and Gnomic Engineering
- Bovine Dance Studies
- Collaborative Dolphin Engineering
- Chicana/o Environmental Accounting Literature
- Art History of Post-modern Horseshoes
If I can’t find anything else this summer, I guess I will have to wait until next year when I am classless once more.
26 thoughts on “Classless in Wisconsin”
Oh, if you find a Bovine Dance Studies course, let me know and I’ll take it with you! Sounds as if it would content me! Mooving to good Moosic has always put me in a good MOOOOOOOD.
In spite of your wit,RAB, I am not cowed. I could of course milk your comment for all its worth but that would show utter disregard for the sensibilities of my readers.
I’m with RAB. Sign me up.
Wisconsin is the Dairy State. I’m sure there are classes available somewhere.
Please let me know where to take Electrical entomology. My husband would love to get the bugs out of the 12 volt system on our sailboat! (Or does that put the bugs into the system?)
It may have something to do with lightning bugs – a sure precursor of rain, I think.
I sense a theme here. Perhaps we can all join together and organize our own Bovine Dance Studies course. Clearly it will be well attended!
On the other topics, I’m not sure I can guide you, with one exception: as you have probably figured out by now, I am quite an expert on being an Interplanetary Scandinavian, and in direct correlation, my husband has plenty of experience in Risk Management, so perhaps we can team-teach you that course. You’re welcome!
You could do a correspondence course on Risk Management and Interplanetary Scandinavian studies. I don’t know about others, but to me it sounds out of this world.
When I worked for an engineering company I wanted to teach a class called Simulating Warmth. I was shot down! Dang! You have some good ones here. I bet you can get signups going.
I would sign up for your class.:)
Apparently I majored in 56 word sentences, which is probably why I got kicked out of my last Creative Writing class. Either that, or maybe it was my failure to show up for six weeks straight. Hey, give me a break! I was down, and out, but now I’m raring to go, and guess what? No classes open. Guess that’s makes me classless, too.
You? Never. You have more class than … well … the next guy. Or something like that.
I’m pretty sure I’m more classless than most people at this time of the year.
I have never taken a creative writing class before, and I’m starting to feel a little sick to my stomach. I could drop out but I’ve already paid and it’s nonrefundable.
Your semester ends a lot earlier than our’s does. But the idea of taking the time off for personal study sounds wonderful. The only course that really attracted me… yes, I too am all for the Bovine Dance Studies. This has great potential.
Spring semester ended last week, and summer semester starts next week. I’m not teaching this summer until late July for an intensive session. I’m looking forward to studying what I want to study.
“Urban uterine ultrasound grafitti”.. Or Pre-Natal ‘Cave drawings’ Loved this post YS. Have a great “summer”(?)!
I’ve always been curious about pre-birth writing because so many people I meet tell me they can’t remember a time they didn’t write. 🙂
The saddest part is that sometime, in the very near future, people are going to say they that can’t remember a time when they did write. (At least in full sentences, even if they are fifty-two words in length.)
Or even as long as 56 words..
Contractions cost you a 58-word sentence. Now that would have been impressive.
I didn’t even notice the contraction. I was told that they’re not important until they appear closer together.
I love the class list you would like to take. I’m on board. If you can convince a school to teach them, sign me up! 😉
I bet you there’s a university somewhere that is game.
You have more CLASS than any writer I know on this interplanetary psycho writing fest (feast). When I read your posts, I’m either moved to tears because of the sincerity of it…or because of the humour of it…a great 8:00 a.m coffee was had today because of you.
It makes me happy to hear that.
The sad thing is that there are real college courses as outlandish as the ones you’ve proposed. The good thing is that you get to make fun of them.
True, certain college classes and government-funded research projects make my class list look respectable.