Course #2013 Life Studies Instructor: TBA
No materials are provided by the instructor(s), but all materials are required.
This course introduces the student to the beauty of sunrises, children’s laughter, and human touch. All students will do an in-depth study of private success and public failure through hands-on experience. Topics covered may include, but are not limited to, falling in love, watching dreams shatter, burping loudly in public, enduring bores, throwing hissy fits, and taking out the garbage. Students will develop and hone the skills of procrastination, denial, acceptance, gratitude, and losing keys. As well, students will test the limits of their patience by working closely with and driving on the same roads with large numbers of blithering idiots. While taking part in various public humiliations, students will pass gas and pass the blame, often simultaneously; laugh inappropriately; cry for no reason; and engage in long conversations with themselves in front of mirrors. Finally, students will create a twelve-month portfolio of words and actions that will become part of their permanent record. NB: This course is a requirement if you plan to take Life Studies Course #2014.
Upon completion of Life 2013, students will be able to
- Overlook dirty pots when doing the dishes;
- Embellish stories of remembered events at social gatherings;
- Floss religiously for the four weeks prior to and after dental exams;
- Refrain from slamming on the brakes when followed by tailgaters;
- Demonstrate growth (probably in the hips);
- Kill time;
- Accomplish something;
- Deepen wrinkles; and
- Do the Hokey Pokey (because that’s what it’s all about).
Plan to attend every day. Attendance, along with breathing, is mandatory if you expect to be successful in this course. Students who stop breathing at any point within the term will be terminated. Once a student permanently withdraws, he or she cannot be reinstated.
(2) Quizzes and Tests
Pop quizzes and major tests will occur throughout the course, willy-nilly, when you least expect it and at the most inconvenient times. Instructor(s) cannot inform you of the timing, duration, or content of tests. Once a test is begun, you must finish it. It can’t be stopped, so don’t ask. No one likes a whiner.
(3) Student Etiquette
Appropriate and respectful behavior is expected at all times, but instructors will not be holding their collective breath. Students who routinely disturb others with incessant text messaging, annoying and repetitive stories, unrelenting bragging, or otherwise distracting behaviors will face potential permanent removal from the course. Throttling may be involved.
Students choose their own assignments. Please put your best effort into all that you do, or at least appear to be trying.
No grades are given in this course. You either pass or pass away.
Students who use dark chocolate for medicinal purposes are not required to disclose dosage or share with the others.
The instructor(s) have the right to make arbitrary, capricious, and kooky exceptions to policies, guidelines, and/or expectations throughout the term as he/she/they feel necessary. And there’s not a thing you can do about it.
Students are responsible for creating their own schedules and will be held responsible for any errors or failures.
Remember, successful completion of Life Studies 2013 requires hard work, dark chocolate, sufficient sleep, lots of play, good food, dark chocolate, and daily hugs. Enjoy your year!