Course #2013 Life Studies Instructor: TBA
Required Materials
No materials are provided by the instructor(s), but all materials are required.
Course Description
This course introduces the student to the beauty of sunrises, children’s laughter, and human touch. All students will do an in-depth study of private success and public failure through hands-on experience. Topics covered may include, but are not limited to, falling in love, watching dreams shatter, burping loudly in public, enduring bores, throwing hissy fits, and taking out the garbage. Students will develop and hone the skills of procrastination, denial, acceptance, gratitude, and losing keys. As well, students will test the limits of their patience by working closely with and driving on the same roads with large numbers of blithering idiots. While taking part in various public humiliations, students will pass gas and pass the blame, often simultaneously; laugh inappropriately; cry for no reason; and engage in long conversations with themselves in front of mirrors. Finally, students will create a twelve-month portfolio of words and actions that will become part of their permanent record. NB: This course is a requirement if you plan to take Life Studies Course #2014.
Course Competencies
Upon completion of Life 2013, students will be able to
- Overlook dirty pots when doing the dishes;
- Embellish stories of remembered events at social gatherings;
- Floss religiously for the four weeks prior to and after dental exams;
- Refrain from slamming on the brakes when followed by tailgaters;
- Demonstrate growth (probably in the hips);
- Kill time;
- Accomplish something;
- Deepen wrinkles; and
- Do the Hokey Pokey (because that’s what it’s all about).
Course Expectations
(1) Attendance
Plan to attend every day. Attendance, along with breathing, is mandatory if you expect to be successful in this course. Students who stop breathing at any point within the term will be terminated. Once a student permanently withdraws, he or she cannot be reinstated.
(2) Quizzes and Tests
Pop quizzes and major tests will occur throughout the course, willy-nilly, when you least expect it and at the most inconvenient times. Instructor(s) cannot inform you of the timing, duration, or content of tests. Once a test is begun, you must finish it. It can’t be stopped, so don’t ask. No one likes a whiner.
(3) Student Etiquette
Appropriate and respectful behavior is expected at all times, but instructors will not be holding their collective breath. Students who routinely disturb others with incessant text messaging, annoying and repetitive stories, unrelenting bragging, or otherwise distracting behaviors will face potential permanent removal from the course. Throttling may be involved.
(4) Assignments
Students choose their own assignments. Please put your best effort into all that you do, or at least appear to be trying.
Grading
No grades are given in this course. You either pass or pass away.
Students’ Rights
Students who use dark chocolate for medicinal purposes are not required to disclose dosage or share with the others.
Elastic Clause
The instructor(s) have the right to make arbitrary, capricious, and kooky exceptions to policies, guidelines, and/or expectations throughout the term as he/she/they feel necessary. And there’s not a thing you can do about it.
Course Schedule
Students are responsible for creating their own schedules and will be held responsible for any errors or failures.
Remember, successful completion of Life Studies 2013 requires hard work, dark chocolate, sufficient sleep, lots of play, good food, dark chocolate, and daily hugs. Enjoy your year!
Life Studies students practice listening to interminable lectures prior to returning home for the holidays where they will be required to listen to parents and relatives. Courtesy: http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/2621134
year-struck 
As long as you are the instructor, I’m in. Keep the lectures coming.
Sometimes I’m the student, sometimes I’m the blithering idiot (aka “instructor”) teaching you patience. 🙂
Love this. This is where I am going to put my learning in 2013. Thanks! Very clever idea.
Glad you liked it. I signed up for the course myself.
Oh, those unannounced major tests… not to speak of shattering dreams… sounds like a lot of stuff I’ve already studied. Couldn’t we have meditations on still life as an inspiration for art instead? What’s the chance of putting this course on hold till next year…? I’m still worn out, teacher, from Life Studies 2012
Unfortunately this was the only course available at this time. Since you can create your own schedule, i hope you include lots of mediation, creating and viewing of art, and good wine.
You forgot to mention the tuition fee: All You Have. I’m in. Hope to pass rather than pass away. Here’s to a great year, Teach!
At least the tuition never goes up, right? I hope I pass so that I can enroll in Life Studies 2014. Let’s keep sharing what we are learning and not learning.
We need to talk. I really prefer milk chocolate.
Think of it this way, Kate: I need a higher dosage of chocolate to make it through the day.
That was fun to read!
I am glad that you enjoyed it!
Thanks for this reminder that we all need to sign up for this course, or so fully drop out! At least dark chocolate is part of the course!
Dark chocolate is required for certain tests.
I have cancelled all other plans for 2013 so I can enroll in this splendiferous Life Studies course. Just one question – will there be coffee breaks?
As often as we like!
I am not sure I’ve accomplished all the prerequisites but I sure don’t want to miss out on this one. Crazy fun :-!
The only prerequisite is getting through Life Studies 2012. We’re both in!
Notice the skeleton sitting in class? Is that a student who failed the exam?
That classroom actually looks just like one I used to take accounting in. I hated that class. I also had sociology of criminals (or some such thing–a study of criminal behavior or whatever it was–it was something like 25 years ago, so I don’t remember) in the same classroom. That class was far more interesting than accounting.
Love the post. Very funny!
I love the photo because of the skeleton. Lends itself to so many possibilities. Glad you liked the post. Thanks for reading.
But I am addressing some of these lessons already, but would love to have you as the instructor. 🙂
Some days you’re the student; some days you’re the instructor. We never know what the day will bring.
Definitely getting my PhD at the moment (traveling with grown children to places with parasites and no toilet paper – very humbling in the school of life).
I look forward to reading your dissertation! 🙂
This belongs on a poster! lol
Thanks for reading.
Don’t know how I missed this one. Is registration still open?
I just checked the roster. Since you have been faithful to breathe everyday, you were pre-enrolled.