Your syllabus for Life Studies 2013

Standard

Course  #2013                                     Life Studies                             Instructor: TBA

 

Required Materials

No materials are provided by the instructor(s), but all materials are required.

 

Course Description

 

This course introduces the student to the beauty of sunrises, children’s laughter, and human touch. All students will do an in-depth study of private success and public failure through hands-on experience. Topics covered may include, but are not limited to, falling in love, watching dreams shatter, burping loudly in public, enduring bores, throwing hissy fits, and taking out the garbage. Students will develop and hone the skills of procrastination, denial, acceptance, gratitude, and losing keys. As well, students will test the limits of their patience by working closely with and driving on the same roads with large numbers of blithering idiots. While taking part in various public humiliations, students will pass gas and pass the blame, often simultaneously; laugh inappropriately; cry for no reason; and engage in long conversations with themselves in front of mirrors. Finally, students will create a twelve-month portfolio of words and actions that will become part of their permanent record. NB: This course is a requirement if you plan to take Life Studies Course #2014.

 

Course Competencies

Upon completion of Life 2013, students will be able to

  • Overlook dirty pots when doing the dishes;
  • Embellish stories of remembered events at social gatherings;
  • Floss religiously for the four weeks prior to and after dental exams;
  • Refrain from slamming on the brakes when followed by tailgaters;
  • Demonstrate growth (probably in the hips);
  • Kill time;
  • Accomplish something;
  • Deepen wrinkles; and
  • Do the Hokey Pokey (because that’s what it’s all about).

 

Course Expectations

(1)  Attendance

 Plan to attend every day. Attendance, along with breathing, is mandatory if you expect to be successful in this course.  Students who stop breathing at any point within the term will be terminated. Once a student permanently withdraws, he or she cannot be reinstated.

 

(2)  Quizzes and Tests

Pop quizzes and major tests will occur throughout the course, willy-nilly, when you least expect it and at the most inconvenient times. Instructor(s) cannot inform you of the timing, duration, or content of tests. Once a test is begun, you must finish it. It can’t be stopped, so don’t ask. No one likes a whiner.

 

(3)  Student Etiquette

Appropriate and respectful behavior is expected at all times, but instructors will not be holding their collective breath. Students who routinely disturb others with incessant text messaging, annoying and repetitive stories, unrelenting bragging, or otherwise distracting behaviors will face potential permanent removal from the course. Throttling may be involved.

 

(4)  Assignments

Students choose their own assignments. Please put your best effort into all that you do, or at least appear to be trying.

 

Grading

No grades are given in this course. You either pass or pass away.

 

Students’ Rights

Students who use dark chocolate for medicinal purposes are not required to disclose dosage or share with the others.

 

Elastic Clause

The instructor(s) have the right to make arbitrary, capricious, and kooky exceptions to policies, guidelines, and/or expectations throughout the term as he/she/they feel necessary. And there’s not a thing you can do about it.

 

Course Schedule

 Students are responsible for creating their own schedules and will be held responsible for any errors or failures.

 

Remember, successful completion of Life Studies 2013 requires hard work, dark chocolate, sufficient sleep, lots of play, good food, dark chocolate, and daily hugs. Enjoy your year!

 

Students practice listening to interminable lectures prior  to returning home for the holidays. Courtesy:  http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/2621134

Life Studies students practice listening to interminable lectures prior to returning home for the holidays where they will be required to listen to parents and relatives. Courtesy: http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/2621134

 


28 thoughts on “Your syllabus for Life Studies 2013

  1. Oh, those unannounced major tests… not to speak of shattering dreams… sounds like a lot of stuff I’ve already studied. Couldn’t we have meditations on still life as an inspiration for art instead? What’s the chance of putting this course on hold till next year…? I’m still worn out, teacher, from Life Studies 2012

    • Unfortunately this was the only course available at this time. Since you can create your own schedule, i hope you include lots of mediation, creating and viewing of art, and good wine.

  2. Notice the skeleton sitting in class? Is that a student who failed the exam?

    That classroom actually looks just like one I used to take accounting in. I hated that class. I also had sociology of criminals (or some such thing–a study of criminal behavior or whatever it was–it was something like 25 years ago, so I don’t remember) in the same classroom. That class was far more interesting than accounting.

    Love the post. Very funny!

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